Tuesday, January 28, 2014

THIS SEASON {is sending me to my knees}

Scripture says "For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under Heaven...a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing;" (Ecclesiastes 3:1 & 5). I am waist deep in (what feels like) quick sand and the harder I try the deeper I sink. This post is about my season of mothering my three year old daughter. It is about trying so desperately to keep my body, my mind and ,most importantly my heart, calm so that I can attempt to change/mold the heart of my daughter. To embrace or not to embrace- this has been my question recently. You see, my Lilah has the vocabulary of 5-7 year old and the attitude of a preteen. She is witty and sarcastic. She is kind and thoughtful. She is up one second and (deep) down the next. I know that it is likely that every 3 year old (girl especially) has been the epitome of bipolar and that none of what I am saying comes as any surprise. But here is my dilemma- When do I snuggle her to calm her nervous breakdowns and when do I send her to her room to calm herself down? When do I pick her up (after "Mommy, pick me up. Put sister down" has been repeated 36 times in a row without a single breath) and when do I tell her to use the two good legs that God gave her? When do I play along with the dramatic falling on the ground and "hurting" herself and when do I tell her that I am sorry she fell and she needs to get up and shake it off? I don't believe there are answers to these questions, if I am being honest, because every day with her is different and every day she is pushing new boundaries. I have never spent more time in prayer (even when we were afraid we were going to lose our tiny Lilah early in my pregnancy) than I do these days. I am thankful that this season is sending me plummeting into scripture and prayer. I know that there is (going to be) a light at the end of the proverbial tunnel. I know all of these things because I have complete faith that God is going to pull us all through and that as long as I am sprinting towards Christ I will not ruin my child and send her into a life of despair and longing. {she might get some of her drama from her mama...} So, to you parents of toddlers and those that don't have children, pray with me that the Collins family can make it to Lilah's 4th birthday in some semblance of a whole. I love you all. Thank you for loving us through this season, it may be my only sanity on any given day.

1 comment:

  1. You are making me nervous about the threes. The two year old stuff is already challenging! I will pray for you all.