THIS SEASON {is sending me to my knees}

Scripture says "For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under Heaven...a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing;" (Ecclesiastes 3:1 & 5). I am waist deep in (what feels like) quick sand and the harder I try the deeper I sink. This post is about my season of mothering my three year old daughter. It is about trying so desperately to keep my body, my mind and ,most importantly my heart, calm so that I can attempt to change/mold the heart of my daughter. To embrace or not to embrace- this has been my question recently. You see, my Lilah has the vocabulary of 5-7 year old and the attitude of a preteen. She is witty and sarcastic. She is kind and thoughtful. She is up one second and (deep) down the next. I know that it is likely that every 3 year old (girl especially) has been the epitome of bipolar and that none of what I am saying comes as any surprise. But here is my dilemma- When do I snuggle her to calm her nervous breakdowns and when do I send her to her room to calm herself down? When do I pick her up (after "Mommy, pick me up. Put sister down" has been repeated 36 times in a row without a single breath) and when do I tell her to use the two good legs that God gave her? When do I play along with the dramatic falling on the ground and "hurting" herself and when do I tell her that I am sorry she fell and she needs to get up and shake it off? I don't believe there are answers to these questions, if I am being honest, because every day with her is different and every day she is pushing new boundaries. I have never spent more time in prayer (even when we were afraid we were going to lose our tiny Lilah early in my pregnancy) than I do these days. I am thankful that this season is sending me plummeting into scripture and prayer. I know that there is (going to be) a light at the end of the proverbial tunnel. I know all of these things because I have complete faith that God is going to pull us all through and that as long as I am sprinting towards Christ I will not ruin my child and send her into a life of despair and longing. {she might get some of her drama from her mama...} So, to you parents of toddlers and those that don't have children, pray with me that the Collins family can make it to Lilah's 4th birthday in some semblance of a whole. I love you all. Thank you for loving us through this season, it may be my only sanity on any given day.

363 Days Remain

We have already hopped into day two of 2014 and I can tell it is going to race by even more quickly than 2013. I don't have much that I wanted to share today, I simply wanted to write. So many people like to look back on their year and reminisce about the happenings, some joyful, some sad, some terrifying and others just "happened". I am no different :) In 2013 we welcomed our second daughter, Violet Joy, into the world. She is just plain fantastic! We also celebrated my Nana's 70th birthday and watched, waited and prayed as she battled through radiation treatment for cancer. I am so beyond thankful to start this new year with her by our side! Phil made some big strides in his career this past year and I am so proud of how hard he works, how seriously he takes his job and how much he enjoys it. Not many people find the kind of fulfillment in their job that he has found. I am grateful that the Lord has also blessed me with a job that I love. Teaching is not something I would have ever ventured after as a younger person but it is exactly where I am meant to be. I have enjoyed growing my vocal studio and watching my "kids" development into beautiful singers and people. Lilah Ann turned three this year and did some serious growing up in the last few months of 2013. It is amazing to watch her learn, grow (physically and emotionally) and contribute to our family dynamic. She is a firecracker and leaves me exhausted at the end of most days. She has such a pretty heart. She is learning to love our Savior, to make choices according to His teaching (through Phil and me), to love without conditions and to give/share (which can be super hard at 3 years old!). I am such a proud Mom, of both of my girls. We are looking very forward to 2014 and where God's path for us is going to lead. I admit that I am trying to prepare my mind for grief, for heartbreak, for awful things that may or may not happen (I often fall into this trap and let my mind get carried away with things that I cannot change) BUT I am making a conscious decision to let God prepare my HEART to override my foolish mind. Happy New Year, friends. We love you, thank you for loving us!