Potty Training

Well, we tried for the first time today. Lilah has been introduced to the 'big girl potty' for a while now. She accompanies me to the bathroom every time I go. I thought "Well, she is 19 months old now, she is probably ready!" Nope. Here's the thing... and this is likely going to make me sound like the worst mom on the planet BUT I blog to be vulnerable... my daughter has been ahead of the curve on just about everything. She was born premature, she never went to the NICU, her pediatrician assures me each visit that she is well beyond her age as far as height, activity, and speech go so I assumed that she was ready for the big time at almost exactly 19 months old... no more diapers. I have read (yes, I realize that each child is different and no one child will potty train the same way or at the same age) so many articles about how "I potty trained my 18 month old in 3 days!" articles that I was certain that my girl would take to it like a champ. I cry as I write this because I never want to be the mother that forces her children to do things that they aren't ready for or that they don't want to do. I want to support and love my children as individuals, let them be who they are. I think the trap that I have fallen into is that 'when it's right for me, it's right for them', well it's not. A lot of people like to tell you what you should be doing or they like to tell you when it's right, whether during pregnancy, birth, or the raising of your children. Well let me tell you something and make it very clear; THEY AREN'T YOU, AND THEY DON'T KNOW. I can see my desire for Lilah to excel in everything she does seeping through today and God has taught me a very valuable lesson. I need to be praying for her, loving her, and supporting her. I do NOT need to be pushing her, now or ever, to be who I or anyone else thinks she should be. It may sound silly to some of you that I had a legitimate life lesson taught to me today through day one of an unsuccessful potty training but it's true. God teaches us everyday whether we take notice of it or not. Well, I hear Him loud and clear and it is breaking my heart. I want to love all of my children (foster kids and my own) like Christ loves me. That is my goal. I feel like a bit of a failure today BUT I know that God, my daughter, and my husband forgive me and love me. I did get frustrated with Lilah today. She is my first baby and let's face it, I don't know what the heck I am doing. I can't make the right decisions all the time and I am NOT PERFECT. I try. But I think what I need to be striving for, as much as the human part of me hates it, is to be a Godly example and a Godly example only. This blog post is intended to teach me a lesson in patience and love. If you have read this and feel sorry for me, that was not my intent. I am constantly reminding myself that life is full of up's and down's, I cannot control any of it, and that my sweet Savior is more than capable to handle my day to day. My battles may seem big to me but God is so much BIGGER! Lilah will learn to use the potty when she is ready. I will learn to be 'Mom' through years of practice... and I will NEVER get it just right. I find comfort in that.

Two cups of coffee? That's unheard of!

I had the immense pleasure of enjoying TWO hot cups of coffee this morning in silence because my daughter loves me and decided to sleep in! Hallelujah! It's truly the little things once you become a momma :) On another note, we had our second round of home study interviews yesterday and Phil and I were both under the impression that it would be our final round. Wrong. They are coming back next week for more questions and paperwork. I will tell you, becoming foster parents is not for the lazy or weak of heart. It has been quite a bit of hard work and the paperwork seems to be never ending. One of the questions yesterday had to do with accepting a child of a different race, cultural background, and religion and how we would respect the child's individual beliefs. We answered the question with honesty and sincere hearts... the truth is that we will love each of our foster babies unconditionally and show them Christ's love and grace to the best of our ability. We will respect their families and their values but we will not compromise our faith and belief that God will give us children that need to see who Christ is and come to understand that He loves them no matter their background. Please be praying for Phil, Lilah, and I as we answer the tough questions honestly and pray that He gives us the strength to stand on His strong foundation throughout this process. 7 months have gone by since we started our foster care path and we are anxious to love on the babies that will come to our home and become part of our family. Thanks for the support!! It means everything to us :)