Thursday, May 10, 2012

Get Over Yourself

I find it difficult to put into words how blessed I feel. When I take a minute to really reflect on my life these past couple of years I am overwhelmed with emotion. A sweet friend of mine, Rachel Halpin, said something to me the other day that has really stuck with me, "What if God is rewarding your obedience." Those simple words from someone I truly admire and respect resonate with me because I don't think I have ever considered that as truth. But it is... truth. This may sound strange but I feel guilty. Guilty because I do not feel obedient and because I know I don't deserve the insurmountable grace that my savior bestows on me daily. What did I do to deserve the loving, Godly husband I have? What did I do to deserve Lilah, the most amazing gift I have ever been given? How am I worthy of this new house that we get to make into a home together? How do I deserve the opportunity to foster someone else's child? The answer: I did nothing. I am not deserving. I am not worthy. BUT because my God sent his only son to be crucified and suffer an agonizing death... I am. So to put it bluntly, I decided to get over myself. I am going to praise God, thank God for his blessings and continue to do exactly what I have been doing... strive to be a good wife, a good mother, and an obedient child to my Father. I think that I feel guilt because I am just doing what I know I need to do and I don't feel like I should be rewarded for living my life the way I do. But I have come to realize that God is opening doors for me and my family so that we can serve Him better, more fully, and use the resources that he gives us to grow His kingdom. Getting over myself, getting over the guilt, getting on with glorifying my God.

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